Yesterday Jamie told me that I should write a blog. I don’t remember why or how this came up, but here we were walking down 116th and suddenly she said, “Erin, you should start a blog.” “Why?” I asked. Blogs weren’t for me. Blogs were for political nuts who wrote down all their opinions. Blogs were for teenage girls who wrote about secret crushes. That wasn’t me. “No one would read it,” I said lamely. “Well, I would,” Jamie said. “I think it would be really interesting.” Well, that made 2 people who would read it, because I don’t usually write for others, I write for me. Which is my problem.
But I kept thinking about this blog thing, because for some strange reason it sounded like a good idea. I kept thinking about how I could write down all my opinions, really get things out. And just write.
My novel is not working out. I had been so excited about working on it last semester, but I didn’t have time to work on it while I was in London. Since I’ve been back, I glanced at it once. All I could think was, “This is terrible. I can’t believe I thought this was good. I’m not ever going to get this published without some major revision.” That’s probably a good thing to realize, except that now I’m really unmotivated to work on it.
And I’m thinking, writing is only really affective if it’s going to move people. But fiction is the best, because then it’s actually interesting. I’ve been listening to a lot of conservative talk shows lately during my long drives to work, and it’s actually really interesting. This is weird, but politics are really interesting to me now. Maybe it’s a part of growing up, because I was never interested in sports at all until last year, which makes it kind of too late for me to really be good at anything. But anyway, suddenly I find myself interested in politics. I think, maybe this is something I could write about. Tell me that last year and I would have cringed, but times change. I was listening to people talk about the court ruling for child molesters and the gun laws and all sorts of things and I was thinking, this is a big deal. People don’t care about what’s happening to America, and in a lot of ways, it’s dang wrong. All these crazy liberals telling us we should do what the people want, and oh, the morals of our country are changing with the times, so let’s just change along with them and let people do whatever they want. You know…it’s wrong. It’s really really wrong. I think if people could just go read the 3rd verse of the Star Spangled Banner a few times, like I did today, they might just change their tune (ha ha, tune, that’s a good one).
Today being the 4th of July and all, I was thinking about how great our country really is. Traveling in Europe the past couple months, I loved it, but by the end I just wanted to go back to America. There’s no country like it, that’s for sure. The ideals we hold are truly unique and wonderful. Yet people want to twist and change these ideals with the changing times. I think we already know what God thinks about the situation.
Tonight I stood outside for a long time out on the lawn and watched the fireworks. The night was cool and clear (besides the fog from the fireworks) and the fireworks were beautiful. I couldn’t drag myself back inside because every time I’d turn around, up would come another blast that would light up the sky. I just got this feeling while I was out there that things are changing for me. Being back home, I don’t really fit in here anymore. It’s like people are telling me, move, leave, get on with your life. I guess I’m ready for the next stage, which scares me and excites me at the same time. I’m sort of a liminal figure right now, standing on the edge of childhood and looking forward into adulthood. I feel that some big changes are coming up, and hopefully I’m ready for them. My study abroad experience was somewhat of a turning point in my life. I worked up to having this great experience where I learned to become totally independent and discovered what I was really passionate about (that is, literature…which I already knew but I guess I discovered the extent of my passion) and now I’m past that and I’m looking on to something else. This is really the scariest time, the college years. I’m making decisions that are going to affect the rest of my life. I’m deciding what kind of person I’m going to be. And suddenly I have all this pressure heaped on me, and sometimes I’m dang scared.
It terrified me when a couple of my roommates got engaged this year. One day we’re having these deep discussions about life and marriage, and the next, they’re actually engaged. I knew it would happen of course, but not so soon. It’s like they’re crossing into another realm, and I’m standing at the edge of the cliff going, “Hey, wait, what’s going on guys? I’m only 20!”
Part of me definitely still wants to be a child. I would rather play games than talk with the grown ups any day. I still remember clearly what it was like to be a kid. My teenage years, especially my stupid Jr. High school, tried to rob me of it, but it didn’t totally happen. I guess that’s why I still understand kids so well. Maybe I could be a good children’s writer!
Okay, this is why literature and writing is so amazing. Because it’s the most affective way to put down issues, to explore character, to understand what the heck this life is about and the changes we go through as humans. That’s why we discuss literature and break it down and tear it up and build it up and whatever- because that’s how we learn about life themes. And morals. And people and character. It’s how we discover what life is all about. And that’s why we write, because we need to get down into words what we’re seeing and experiencing. Well really, I guess it’s the point of all art, to communicate a passion or feeling that you just can’t express in speaking. But in writing, you can try to reach this point in language, where you can express what you really feel. It’s definitely the easiest way for me. I can try to talk things out, but the best way is really through writing.
So listen to the English nerd. Everyone should be reading and writing. Truly, it makes you into a stronger person. At my work at a YMCA day camp, I asked the kids what their favorite outdoor activity was. This one boy was like, “Playing my Nintendo- outside!” That really stumped me. Is that really all kids do these days? Don’t they know there’s a whole world out there? Childhood is the time to imagine and create and play, and they’re missing it! Video games and movies and TV are turning their brains into mush. Are we going to get any amazing writers or artists in the future or are they all going to be professional video game testers?
Okay, obviously I have some strong opinions on this subject, but seriously all I did when I was a kid was make up stories, act out plays, and play make believe. It was the best time of my life and I wouldn’t want anyone to miss that.
It’s now 12:30 in the morning and this is the best time for me to write. There’s so many more things that I could say. I guess I’m good at this whole writing out your thoughts thing. I wish I could be this good at fiction writing. I guess I’ll work on that.
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